Since I've been writing this blog I've really been questioning why I'm all bound and determined to "get skinny (er)", when honestly, I'm within my normal range for BMI and people tell me all the time I don't need to lose weight. First, when I look in the mirror, what I see is not something I like. I can point out every place where I could use to "tone up". But why the desire? Why change when no one is telling me to but me?
I think yesterday I discovered one reason: I teach at a college. Twice a week, I'm surrounded by skinny girls in shorts with 3inch inseams and tanks that don't show a hint of a muffin-top. I used to be that girl...why am I not now? Oh right...I'm OLDER. I'm 13 years older than my youngest student. GAH. So not only am I older, but my body could never fit successfully into anything from Forever 21, Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, or any other retail store that keeps older clientele out by blaring the music and pumping copious amounts of cologne through the ventilation system.
This leads me to believe that this whole "30 is the new 20" is entirely not true. Sure, I have more freedoms, I'm no longer in college, but I have to work my ass off 40 hours a week in addition to working my ass off at least an hour a night at the gym to look even close to what I looked like in college. I'm starting to think they say that 30 is the new 20 to make those of us who are still single in our 30s feel better. I still age and gain weight the same as someone in their 30s from the 40's, 50's, 60's.
Reason #2: Magazines. Sometimes I swear it would be easier for me to find a man who has never seen a celebrity in a bikini than to diet/work off the lbs it would take to look like said celebrity in a bikini. Remember that picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt at the beach that had everyone in an uproar about how horrible she looked? Well, guess what...she's EXACTLY my size in that picture (alright...maybe I'm a couple of lbs heavier, but still...)
...And then she lost weight. Of course that doesn't really say "I'm happy with how I look". She looks great, as the picture shows, but what does that say? She was a size FOUR before, and people were up in arms. She drops the weight and she looks amazing. These are the lessons women and girls like me are being taught.
So, the site where I got this picture, http://ifitandhealthy.com/jennifer-love-hewitt-lost-weight/ ...I am HORRIFIED. I read the article thinking they would tell me how she lost the weight, and it did (cardio and weights at the gym, 5 days a week (must be nice) and rice and fruit and veggies), but the article goes on to say that "she needs to do more". Are you serious?? That "now" picture isn't good enough??
See? This is what women are put up against daily. We're programmed to think that we can't have sexy bodies if we aren't rail thin and look amazing in a bikini. It's terrible because I know I fell into it. People do tell me I'm fine the way I am, but I look in the mirror and I see that I "need to do more". The point is, it isn't just me telling me this. It's everyone I see on television, from the newscasters to the TV shows to the movies, it's shitty-ass websites like the one above, all combined with a slight case of neurosis.
So here I sit, with my oatmeal and coffee (no sugar), thinking what I can pack for lunch that's lo-cal and healthy, and putting together a workout routine in my head for tonight at the gym. I do want to be healthy, I do want to feel good after a good workout, but a lot of this, as a confession, is vanity. When I'm in my 60s, I want to look back on my 30s and say "Damn...I had a badass body." And, in my 30s, I want to say "Damn...I have a badass body".
Very true. Very well-written.
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