What do college students and celebrities have in common?

Since I've been writing this blog I've really been questioning why I'm all bound and determined to "get skinny (er)", when honestly, I'm within my normal range for BMI and people tell me all the time I don't need to lose weight.  First, when I look in the mirror, what I see is not something I like.  I can point out every place where I could use to "tone up".  But why the desire?  Why change when no one is telling me to but me?

I think yesterday I discovered one reason: I teach at a college.  Twice a week, I'm surrounded by skinny girls in shorts with 3inch inseams and tanks that don't show a hint of a muffin-top.  I used to be that girl...why am I not now?  Oh right...I'm OLDER.  I'm 13 years older than my youngest student.  GAH.  So not only am I older, but my body could never fit successfully into anything from Forever 21, Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, or any other retail store that keeps older clientele out by blaring the music and pumping copious amounts of cologne through the ventilation system.

This leads me to believe that this whole "30 is the new 20" is entirely not true.  Sure, I have more freedoms, I'm no longer in college, but I have to work my ass off 40 hours a week in addition to working my ass off at least an hour a night at the gym to look even close to what I looked like in college.  I'm starting to think they say that 30 is the new 20 to make those of us who are still single in our 30s feel better.  I still age and gain weight the same as someone in their 30s from the 40's, 50's, 60's.

Reason #2: Magazines.  Sometimes I swear it would be easier for me to find a man who has never seen a celebrity in a bikini than to diet/work off the lbs it would take to look like said celebrity in a bikini.  Remember that picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt at the beach that had everyone in an uproar about how horrible she looked?  Well, guess what...she's EXACTLY my size in that picture (alright...maybe I'm a couple of lbs heavier, but still...)

Seriously...that could be me from behind.  You know what I loved about her?  When that picture came out and all the bastard asshole men talked about how awful she looked, she came out and said she was happy with her body and everyone could shove it.

...And then she lost weight.  Of course that doesn't really say "I'm happy with how I look". She looks great, as the picture shows, but what does that say?  She was a size FOUR before, and people were up in arms.  She drops the weight and she looks amazing.  These are the lessons women and girls like me are being taught.

*disclaimer...this blog is about to take a turn since I just went searching for this "after" picture of JLH*

So, the site where I got this picture, http://ifitandhealthy.com/jennifer-love-hewitt-lost-weight/ ...I am HORRIFIED.  I read the article thinking they would tell me how she lost the weight, and it did (cardio and weights at the gym, 5 days a week (must be nice) and rice and fruit and veggies), but the article goes on to say that "she needs to do more".  Are you serious??  That "now" picture isn't good enough??

See?  This is what women are put up against daily.  We're programmed to think that we can't have sexy bodies if we aren't rail thin and look amazing in a bikini. It's terrible because I know I fell into it.  People do tell me I'm fine the way I am, but I look in the mirror and I see that I "need to do more".  The point is, it isn't just me telling me this.  It's everyone I see on television, from the newscasters to the TV shows to the movies, it's shitty-ass websites like the one above, all combined with a slight case of neurosis.

So here I sit, with my oatmeal and coffee (no sugar), thinking what I can pack for lunch that's lo-cal and healthy, and putting together a workout routine in my head for tonight at the gym.  I do want to be healthy, I do want to feel good after a good workout, but a lot of this, as a confession, is vanity.  When I'm in my 60s, I want to look back on my 30s and say "Damn...I had a badass body."  And, in my 30s, I want to say "Damn...I have a badass body".

That's going to leave a mark...

So, like most holidays, I considered Labor Day a calorie-free day.  Problem comes when the holiday is a "weekend" instead of just one day (a la Labor Day Weekend).

This past weekend I drove an average of 12 hours one-way to spend Saturday and Sunday with the fam in Ohio (and at Cedar Point).  I miss so many restaurants in Ohio that aren't in New England that I usually end up eating my way through my trip.  And honestly, there aren't enough meals in the day.  Arby's, Max and Erma's, Waffle House, Bob Evans, BW3's, Sonic...I could go on and on. 

Just thinking about what I ate over the weekend makes my tastebuds water and my stomach distend.  At least I split a lot of meals with a friend, right?  And my last dinner was a salad (covered in BW3's honey BBQ sauce), so that's good, right?  That totally negates my complete inability to say no to anything fried (cheese curds, breadsticks filled with cheese, chicken tenders) or in a martini or beer glass (or bottle, or can).
Only thing that can make this a perfect storm is if I spend 1/3 of my time this weekend in a car.  Oh wait...I did. :-/  If only there was a way to work out while driving.  My right foot should be solid, though, since my rental car didn't have cruise control.  Seriously, it had satellite radio, but no cruise control.  Someone explain that to me.

I did walk quite a bit at Cedar Point, though.  And my death grip on the lap and chest bars on the roller coasters should have really worked out my arm muscles.  Maybe it won't be so bad...

Good news is, I weighed myself this morning and only gained 0.9lbs.  Bad news is, I weighed myself in the morning.  If you're a girl, you know you weigh more at night than in the morning.  I guess the point is that I want to hit a specific number because I'm goal-oriented, but when I look in the mirror, I still don't love what I see...and I'm not sure another 4.4lbs will help (other than make my clothes fit better).

So, goal weight in 4.4lbs.  That's 1.1lbs a week for the next 4 weeks.  Still doable, but I need to get my butt up early and off to the gym.  Does anyone want to do housework, work on lesson plans, teach, practice guitar, go to guitar lessons, go to a cappella rehearsals, and go to work for me while I spend my day at the gym?  Would be a huge help.

I would like a little wine with that whine, please

Hi, my name is Judith, an emotional eater and drinker.  There, I've said it.  If anything is stressing me out, has me upset, or sucks up all open space in my brain, I compensate by eating.  Even if something goes well, I want to celebrate with a glass (or three) of wine. 

Somehow something switches in my brain and I go from "Wow, I'm full" to "Those 90-calorie cheese sticks need to be eaten" when I have something on my mind (I also need to work on "just because they're 90 calories doesn't mean I can eat them all in one sitting).  If I'm home, and it's in the fridge or pantry, you might as well consider it eaten if I've had a bad day.  I don't know what it is, but if I'm struggling, my stomach suddenly develops this endless pit that I must try to fill with all types of food.

Normally, I don't eat that much.  When I was younger, if I felt full, I felt nauseous. I was instantly able to stop eating the minute my stomach felt even a little full.  Still, I rarely finish a sandwich, every dinner out is also lunch the next day...it's just all this SNACKING and DRINKING when I feel out of control of my life.  It's got to stop.

My guilty pleasures:
Cheese
Bacon
Burgers
Starbucks (although I've considerably reduced this one)
Soda (same..trying to get myself to like flavored soda water.  It's been a long process)
Anything gummy
Alcohol (any and all...I'm an equal opportunity drinker)

How do I stop it?
Um, I don't know.  I guess I just have to have the mental fortitude to realize that eating when my emotions are involved doesn't do anything for me.  It doesn't solve the problem that's getting me to eat.  Eventually, even, I feel worse because I feel like a huge balloon after downing that pint of Ben and Jerry's, bag of Doritos, more than one serving of honey roasted peanuts, and bottle of Pinot Noir.

But it's all sooo gooood.

And I still hate running.

If you were a melody...

Welcome to my blog!  I'm not quite sure what I'm going to make of this yet, but my original plan is to use this as a place for me to keep track of my eating and working out habits to try to nip these last few pounds in the bud.  I'll probably throw in a few things about my life along the way, and we'll see where this goes.

I read blogs.  I enjoy hearing what other people have to say, and I've always found an interest in writing one.  But I could never come up with one good reason why anyone would "listen" to me.  I am a jack of all trades, if you will.  I sing in an a capella group, I am learning how to play guitar, I am a conference planner by day, adjunct professor by night.  I love food (especially all the stuff I shouldn't eat), and I love nights out drinking with my friends.  I'm not married, I don't have kids, and I'm in my 30s.

So what do I talk about?
I'm not an expert in anything really, so I don't feel like if you play guitar you should follow me, or if you like to sing that I'm the person to go to, or if you run, that I know exactly what to do.  I'm just hopeful that if you're like me, fumbling through this world trying to be the best person you can be, you might find reading this a comfort, knowing you're not alone.

The reason this all started:  
I had always been rail-thin.  In college, I even said "Oh, I know it's going to catch up to me", having no idea that it actually would.  I ate whatever I wanted, drank whenever I wanted, and never gained a pound.  I ended up moving to Boston, and I don't know...the food got better, the drinks multiplied, and I started to slowly gain weight.  The first 5lbs weren't that bad...I mean, I was rail thin, right? 5lbs and I probably looked BETTER.  Gaining weight slowly is the WORST way to gain weight.  You don't really notice it...and pretty soon, you're like me: 6 years later and 25lbs heavier.

Fast forward 5 years:
This past winter I weighed in at a weight I didn't think I'd see unless I was pregnant, and I had been accused of being pregnant twice the year before.  Something had to be done.  Here's the deal: I wasn't OVERWEIGHT...but I was unhealthy.  I was 154lbs of mostly squish (I hate the word "fat"), and I hated how I looked unless I was in an oversized sweatshirt and jeans.  Tank tops accented by muffin top, my arms felt flabby, and I generally felt lethargic and useless.  You see, 154 is still (BMI-wise) within "normal" for my 5'8'' height.  But that didn't make me feel better. I felt like a blimp.

Groupon:
Groupon might be my favorite site ever.  They offer so many discounts on such amazing things.  In February, they offered a Groupon for the Quincy Athletic Club (very near me) and my roommates and I snatched it up.  We went to the gym for a while...I loved the treadmill because I was able to train for a 20-mile walk I was planning on doing in May.  I was terrified of the weights, but the treadmill and I were best friends.

Me? Running?
I started challenging myself more on the treadmill by running.  I am not a runner, I was never a runner.  But I knew running was a great way to burn calories fast, and I'm always about the shortest way to get to a goal.  I have running friends, and they all talk about this "runner's high", that I was all excited to experience.  I started thinking I could run 5Ks, getting all these ideas in my head about running a 5K a month until Thanksgiving...I was on a mission.  For the record, I have yet to experience this "runner's high".  I HATE running.

Special K:
Special K and I had a two-week relationship that had its ups and downs.  I dropped 6lbs (as promised) and I felt SKINNY again!  But that kind of diet is SO hard to keep up.  I did the two weeks, and then "sort of" maintained it for a bit.  The cereal is great, the protein shakes are awesome, and the recipes they have on their website are SO good.  It's just a lot of work, and the allure of summer barbecues just was too much.


Plateau:
The good news is, I haven't GAINED much back since I went off that diet (I still run between 1-2 miles a few times a week), but the bad news is, I haven't lost any more either.  So here I am, I've lost 14lbs, but I still want to drop 5-10 more.

Why?
Good-looking bodies are wasted on the young.  I know this because I think I did have a great body, but I never realized it.  I didn't realize it until I didn't have it anymore.
And I won't lie...I'm single.  I'm not thinking that being skinny will land me a man, but I do think that if I feel good about myself, that confidence will be attractive.
I want to fit into the clothes I used to fit into (that I haven't thrown away). I want to like what I see in the mirror.  I want to wear the bikini I wore 4 years ago that I'm still in love with (and feel confident in it).

How do I do this?
I need to go to the gym more.  I need to get my ass out of bed before work and hit the gym.  I need to get over my insecurities with the weights, and I need to not care if people are watching me work out.  I need to run more, and I need to eat better.  I also need motivation.  I think it's easier if you have a partner...someone to push you...or a rock-hard reason to work so hard.  That's how I am, anyway.  Luckily, I have a friend who has done amazing things with his weight loss and muscle gain, and he's pushing me to be responsible about logging my workouts and calorie intake.

My goal:
My realistic goal is to lose 5lbs by 10/1.  I want to lose 5 more by Thanksgiving. So, I'd be 130 by 11/24.  I can do that.


So what are your tricks?  What sort of things do you do to keep the weight off or help yourself hit your weight goals?